Blessed Michael defend you chapmangrl
Since tusiaczek87 won’t be doing her photo recap, I’m trying my hand at a gif recap, also with a lot of words containing my own random thoughts, in case you were interested in such a thing. NOBODY WANTS THIS. It is extremely disjointed, but please bear with me. This recap is dedicated to two Sassies: tusiaczek87 for her brilliance these last few weeks and fenchurchly for this community. Look at me getting all schmaltzy, let’s proceed with this recap, which has a bit of humor (at least I hope and I also hope no one is offended by it because I know it was a very serious, dark episode). It will probably devolve into just a series of GIFs as my mind numbs to what I’m seeing…
Jamie and Taran stand around at the gallows watching really dirty men being hanged and I'm like...
-I’m tempted to mute this like DG at PaleyFest and…
-Like they did such a great job with the dirtiness I can practically smell all of them. And samesies with a later scene where Claire is going from cell to cell to find Jamie.
-Sam’s eyes are ridiculously blue.
-Jamie made a wee joke! I love how he's thinking of Claire here.
-Love how dignified and defiant Jamie is throughout this entire scene.
Then BJR shows up right before Jamie's hanging and I'm like...
-Well look what the cat dragged in and the dog don't want.
Claire goes to see the warden and he gives her Jamie's personal effects, the reduction of a man's life into a single box and I'm like...
But then I'm like, “No curly locks of #clairehair in that box? No [Spoiler (click to open)]period tracking calendar to foreshadow Season 2?”
Of course not! Jamie obviously carries around #pervnation gifs, because Jamie likes to think of happier times. PLEASE ADD YOURS IN THE COMMENTS! #episode15brainbleach
Claire leaves Wentworth so broken that she collapses, vomits, and Murtagh has to carry her and I'm like...
-I love how close Murtagh and Claire have gotten over these past two episodes. Lady and Godfather for the fucking win!
I'm also like...
[Spoiler (click to open)]
Claire’s got a scone in the oven e’erybody!
And it hits home that Jamie and Claire made a baby at Lallybroch, ya'll. Maybe I'll fanfic the sex from that post-love confession fade-to-black. But anyways, ALL THE TEARS at that realization!
Spoiler to my spoiler (Season 2) because I can't resist...
[Spoiler (click to open)]
"Fuck bitch I cried so hard"
At ye old tavern, a drunk Angus Rupert Cheese Sandwich are playing dice and I'm like...
Then I'm like...
-I kind of want to go back to Vegas, I have a vendetta with a Michael Jackson-themed slot machine at the Cosmopolitan. Also I really should replace the eyeglasses I left in a hotel bathroom the last time I was there, maybe try the website door recommended... Ugh FOCUS MEGAN.
Willie tells Claire not to despair and I’m like…
-I’m with ama_blue, I'm thankful that the actor is 29 because I find him attractive and would’ve been weirded out if he were jailbait.
The dynamic duo tell Claire about the warden being away for an hour for din din and bible reading and I'm like...
-That's good, because only Jesus can fix this situation.
BJR and Evil!Scottish!Shorter!Hodor show up in Jamie's cell where Jamie's almost in a Saw situation with that leg chained to the wall. My poor JAMMF! BJR's a full-on twat and nana nana boo boos to Jamie with the petition to the Duke, which he lights on fire, which is exactly what I want to do to this depraved, soulless monster.
Jamie is defiant, coupled with his true love, firelight:
Some dude leads Lady Claire and her manservant (teehee) Murtagh [Spoiler (click to open)]#savemurtagh into the Wardens office and I'm like...
-I know it's weird but this guy kind of gave me Lefou from Beauty and the Beast vibes. I think it's the eyes/jowls? But let's not get too attached, he gone in a few minutes.
Claire flashes those cajones of steel (actually they're out in force this whole episode #ClaireBalls) and is all like "You look tired from working, would you like to sit down? My manservant will get some grapes and rub your feet." Lefou declines and leaves so Claire can start her Needle-in-the-Haystack Search:
If that haystack was actually cursed stone and that needle was a rather tall red-headed Scot.
BJR continues his vileness and tries to get Jamie to admit he's scared and offers him an alternative to the noose.
Me to BJR:
Me to Jamie:
Claire and Murtagh find the keys right as Lefou returns. Murtagh dispatches Lefou and Claire goes off to search for Jamie and I'm all...
-HURTING right in my heart because the last time keys were discussed/referenced on this show it was during some really great Jamie and Claire moments
Anyways, I digress...
The next scene involves Evil!Scottish!Shorter!Hodor, BJR, and a hammer. There are no words.
Meanwhile, Claire searches for her love throughout the prison. It's a lot like a Windows 95 screensaver.
But dirtier. And darker. It's pretty much the Satan's residence. "Is this Hell?" "No, it's Wentworth."
After Sadist Voldemort leaves, Claire finds Jamie! And GAHHHHHH it is heartbreaking:
Jamie tells her to leave, but Claire refuses, essentially telling him what we already know:
BUT FUCK JACKASS IS BACK algjslfgns;lgslegjslegj, Claire gets groped, a scramble ensues, Evil!Scottish!Shorter!Hodor getting peaced out by Jamie (bye bitch) but ends with BJR about to choke Claire. This results in Jamie sacrificing himself for Claire and it's fucking heartbreakingly beautiful. It is a call back to a happier time, their Wedding night, when JAMMF made this pledge to Claire:
BJR wants a show of good faith and drives a nail through Jamie's hand. He and Claire cling to eachother while she wails and he tries to stay strong and comfort her. And while I lose it:
The clinging you guys!
Claire begs to say goodbye and I'm posting all of the gifs because this scene was actually heartwarming in addition to heartbreaking. Like these two people are just made for eachother.
Their love is a beautiful cinnamon roll. FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK.
Jackass leads Claire away to exit the prison, but not before she tells him she's a witch and whispers in his ear "You have halitosis and your wig is the fucking ugliest I've ever seen. I'd tell you to go play in traffic but I know when you're going to bite it already."
As Claire scrambles through the forest, BJR returns to Jamie and I don't remember what depravity went down because I'm all like...
This was most especially caused by Sam's single white tear. DAMMIT MAN YOU BROKE ME.
Angus finds Claire and takes her to Sir MacRannoch where Claire is ALL OF US and takes a giant swig of booze. MacRannoch is reluctant to help until Claire offers to pay him with the pearl necklace Jamie gave her on their wedding night. The one he said was very precious to him, as is Claire. SOBBING. MacRannoch reveals he gave these to Jamie's mother Ellen as a wedding present because she was quite the dick magnet and wore multiple pieces of jewelry from other men when she walked down the aisle. MacRannoch seems to soften, but it's all a MOO POINT because Murtagh has a plan: COWS!
On the next Outlander: I die.
Me at the end of this episode:
Well, there was an attempt... Bless ye if you stick with me!